I kept telling myself I was going to write a tada post a week. I kept reading about it on flylady. Make a list of your accomplishments, record your progres, pat yourself on the back…
I’m not very good at that. Much of what we do as moms is necessary. It’s frequently taken for granted when it is there and noticed in frustration if it isn’t there (where’s dinner? do I have any clean socks?). When I do the laundry no one stands and claps. When I feed my children I don’t exactly think “I have done a great thing…I’ll have to post this on facebook, I have fed my children today”. It’s more of a “of course I fed my children, and guess what they’re going to want to eat again in about 20 minutes”. So writing down I fed my children, got them where they were supposed to be and dressed them….doesn’t really work as a tada. it feels more like a duh.
I’ve been feeling very sisyphusish lately. This is mostly because although I can notice some changes in our overall home, my children can do a whole lot of damage in one bad day…or even one good day that doesn’t include mom. Let’s take at random, last saturday. My husband and I had a wonderful day at the temple. It was inspiring, beautiful, I felt a greater love for my husband, I was able to help other people…it was a wonderful wonderful day.
I came home to my loving children. They were all happy, well fed, had been playing and well taken care of. it’s just that the evidence of the care and feeding and play were ALL OVER. Somehow the 7 children at home had used about 20 plates, a zillion cups and an exponential amount of spoons, forks, knives and other dishes.
The play was obviously wonderful…there was a ginormous tent comprising of the entire living room. It was clearly made by the 14yo, 11 yo and 9yo…for the little children. That’s wonderful. I’m glad they were taking time to do that for the children and they love it. It’s just that many many blankets were involved and various sheets from various beds…many books, apparently every stuffed animal we had was needed as well as a bunch of toys.
The contrast between the beautiful, clean temple and my home was difficult at best. I was glad to see all the smiling faces, but overwhelmed at the amount of work.
It was kind of a hopeless feeling. No matter what I do, my children can undo it times a zillion in a good solid hour of play.
It’s ironic but the hope I need to maintain to clean and do the basics required of a family..relies on me focusing NOT on a goal of having that done. The goal of a family is not a clean house. It’s love. I’m trying to raise loving, responsible adults. How very disappointed I would be if in 20 years I could say my house had been clean every day, but my children were not doing well? So why does it get me down? The older children had been loving and responsible towards my most precious children. Yes they had neglected the house, but what they had done was great.
Maybe I would feel better writing a tada list if I wrote it talking about what I hoped to be building with those basic chores. Instead of writing “fed the children” I could write built trust in my children by nurturing them. Helped them know I will always care for them. Showed them an example of love and responsibility by doing all those daily chores that take care of their basic needs. I was like the Savior today by feeding the hungry and clothing the naked.
I don’t have faith or hope that my home will always be clean. I do have hope that my family will be loving and together forever.
now how do I keep that stuck in my brain while I do all the laundry I need to do today?